I HAD NO IDEA. AND THEN, I REMEMBERED.

I didn’t know it was going to happen this way. All I knew was, what I felt inside was real. As crazy as it felt and sounded.

There was something vaguely familiar about the picture I saw and the feelings I felt. I’d know when I saw it again, felt it again, heard it again. It would be like a coming home.

A becoming.

I didn’t know I would have to let go and release everything. When I say everything, I mean everything. All the things I once knew, thought, believed in, defended. Some people I loved to the moon and back.

I didn’t know it wasn’t going to happen the way everything else until that point had happened for me. With the push, the struggle, the battle, the fight, the hardcore masculine energy.

I didn’t know all I had to do was stop pushing. And when I thought I’d stopped pushing, I realised on an even deeper level, I still was – pushing.

I didn’t know how much I was holding on for dear life. Yet remaining stuck, closed, blocking the very things I was reaching for.

Each step forward felt like it was followed by a million steps back. Breaking me into tiny pieces. Smashing everything I thought I knew to bits.

Ripping my heart out.
Broken, stressed.
Was going insane. Should I commit myself?
Maybe drive into the ocean and forever disappear from the earth.
Invisible. Flying high somewhere. Away from this darkness and pain.

When I didn’t think I could go on, I promised myself to hold on for one more day. Tomorrow it would come together. Tomorrow came and went. No? Ok. Maybe tomorrow.

With one foot in front of the other, I trusted.

In what?
The unknown.
Blindly.

The stars spoke to me, reassured me this was perfect.
The ocean cleansed my tears and washed away my fears.
The sun filled me with light and warmed my heart.
The moon showed me the path to my soul, opened me up.
Death showed me there is no end.

The cat stood by me until I noticed her and accepted how powerful I truly am.
The butterfly changed my perception of time.
The crow showed me I was on the right path and to start opening up to the magic, things were about to shift.
The spider weaving its web showed me the power of action with intention.

Then one day, I opened my eyes. Things looked different.

I could see the trees breathing.
Feel the pain and torture of the woman sitting next to me regardless of the mask she wore in her day to day.
Heard the messages being channeled through me.

That place I had been seeing, the one that felt vaguely familiar – Was here.

Magic.
I remembered.
Like I had never forgotten.
I was home again.

Suddenly everything made sense.

No wonder things up until that point although felt amazing, still seemed a little off. No wonder each time I had mustered up the courage, the motivation and the grit to make shit happen it was only shortlived.

The money would rush in and at times made me feel that yes, I was on the right path. It would then dry up leaving me wondering why I felt like a shell, an empty vessel.

It was because I still was somewhat an empty vessel. There was still healing to do, deep soul wounds that needed to be faced and released. Darkness within me that I needed to accept, before the new light and love could flow through.

Everything is perfect.
Just as it is meant to be.

Your life is a magical masterpiece and you lovely, are the creator. You can create while you’re asleep, on auto pilot, or you can become intentional and create everything your heart desires.

Your desires are real
They are the divine way in which you are called to explore, discover and uncover.

The question is, will you answer the call?

Much Love,

Christine X

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